A lot to consider

I'm feeling so anxious.  I guess I'm somewhat of a literal person, so when I was initially told that it would take a week for Dr. Philippon to review my records and get back to me, I pretty much looked at the calendar and expected to hear back within 7 days. Two follow-up calls later, I've finally realized that I just need to wait. This isn't going to be a quick process.

In the meantime, I'm trying to get more information and I've been lucky enough to get to talk to some very very helpful people who have gone through similar experiences. Of course, not all of the information I've gotten is pleasant. It seems like there are a lot of potential complications from the surgery, including the very real possibility that what starts as a seemingly easy surgery may turn into something a lot more complicated once the surgeon takes a look. And there are the even more disturbing stories about how the surgeons treat patients who have such complications. Physical therapy approaches also seem to differ depending on the surgeon and it seems as though PT is one of the most important aspects of the healing process. So not only do I need to find a surgeon who is well-qualified, takes the time to explain the procedure and answer all of my questions, etc., I also have to find one whose philosophy on PT matches my ultimate goals. As one very helpful person pointed out to me today, if one surgeon's idea of a "success" is enabling a patient to tie her shoelaces, and another's idea of "success" involves running marathons, it's important to figure out whether your surgeon's idea is consonant with your own ideas.

I'm thoroughly freaking out.  The fact that the pain is currently the worst it's been in weeks is not helping anything. And I'm wondering if my labral tear is just a labral tear, or whether there's some underlying issue that hasn't yet been diagnosed, but which is contributing to the tear and which will also need to be addressed.  That's a scary prospect.

And I'm scared that Dr. Philippon won't accept me as a patient. I like what I've heard of his rehab protocol quite a bit. It seems very proactive and intended to return patients to extremely active lives. That's what I want. But I wonder if the fact that I'm an overweight and extremely amateur athlete might affect his view of how seriously I would take the post-op care. And maybe that will affect whether or not he wants to take on my case.

And this train of thought is where I simply stopped running through the possibilities in my head. One thing I'm sure of for now -- I am not getting this surgery anytime within the next month. And, there's a possibility that I won't get this surgery for half a year. What can I do now to help optimize my chances for a smooth recovery no matter who is ultimately going to perform the surgery?

I can definitely lose weight and get as strong as I can in the meantime. Although I'm limited in what activities I can perform currently, I still have complete control over my food intake. I can still work my upper body without any limitation. And once my current flareup subsides, maybe I'll be able to swim.

So instead of letting this waiting period add to my stress, encourage inactivity and increase my weight, I get to use this precious time to nourish and detox my body and prep for what will hopefully become an easier recovery period.  Maybe the fact that this is a slow process with so many factors outside of my control is actually a blessing in disguise, forcing me to truly think through all of the aspects of this injury and treatment, and of my body in general.

I'll try to focus on what I can control and what I can do right now, rather than how sorry I feel for myself. Seriously, reading about other people's experiences and speaking with others shows me that I've really got it good compared to some others. I'm still quite blessed.

I can:

• work
• walk (short distances)
• drive
• swim (somewhat)
• travel
• read
• play trumpet and piano
• hang out with friends and family
• throw balls for my dogs to chase
• organize and clean my house (bit by bit)
• go to movies, theaters, concerts, etc.
• go out to eat
• shower
• change my shoes and socks, and tie my laces
• scrapbook

All of these things that I take for granted are things that my hips don't prevent me from enjoying.  And that was just a quick list off of the top of my head.  While I'm waiting around for something to happen on my hip front, I can enjoy the fact that I'll be:

• traveling across the country to visit with my family at a beach
• working on fascinating cases involving basic rights of employees
• performing at Disney Hall with the Los Angeles Lawyers Philharmonic
• planning improvements to my backyard
• reading interesting books
• spending quality time with my husband, my two dogs and my parrot
• spending quality time with my friends

 And of course, I can work to make each day the most positive one yet, mentally and physically.

And I'll at least get to meet Dr. Guanche next Monday and discuss with him what he sees, and whether he believes I have any other underlying conditions that might have caused the labral tear, or whether it is simply from my overtraining with extra poundage.

Here's to the power of positive thinking!