Some News!

Ever have a problem that you can't wrap your head around, and that no matter how hard you think about it, you can't make any progress? You know that irony when you finally stop thinking about it, and suddenly the answer comes to you? That's pretty much how things seem to be working for me on this hip thing.  I finally accepted that I can't do anything to rush the process and I will just make the best of the time I've got during this waiting process, and I got a call from Dr. Philippon's office yesterday!

I can't remember the name of the guy I spoke to, mainly because I was so excited to hear from them at all that I don't think my brain was working at it's normal capacity. But he was nice, patient and explained a lot. He confirmed that my MRIs showed both a labral tear and mixed-FAI. 

But best of all, he asked me all sorts of really good questions that showed that he (or someone there) had read my incredibly long narrative of all of the information I thought that they should know about my medical health in general and the discovery and development of the hip pain. They asked me questions that showed that they were not just looking to jump in and fix the hip, but wanted to ensure that nothing else could be causing the pain, or that my other medications and/or complications from PCOS could be contributing factors. It showed me that they're looking at the body more as a system, than as a butcher might. It gave me some confidence.  It also gave me a little more confidence in my local surgeon's diagnosis.

 As I expected, however, it looks like the process is a slow one. And there are still no guarantees they'll ultimately operate on me. They asked me if I had gotten any injections (to isolate whether the pain is actually in the hip or if it's pain in the lower back that I feel in the butt, etc.). I haven't. I don't know if they'll want me to do that. They also indicated that, since they're backed up scheduling wise and are already into 2011, I'll need to have another MRI closer to the date of the appointment (whenever that'll be). That actually makes me feel better -- I don't want them to be surprised if they cut me open. 

But 2011 -- that's not particularly quick. And I won't even speak with the scheduling person to book a surgery date until approx 2 weeks from now (which I am just going to assume will be closer to a month). So I am guessing that realistically, they wouldn't be able to do the surgery before Feb/March next year.  The guy I spoke with explained that they're very busy -- they get 150 requests per month from people like me, asking for a review of films, etc., and Dr. Philippon does approx 40 of these surgeries per month. Seriously, I don't know how those numbers add up. Does the man sleep? Are there enough hours in a day? And I thought I had a busy schedule!

They're going to look into whether there's any local surgeons that they feel comfortable recommending to me in case things get worse quickly and I don't want to wait. And I still have an appointment with another local surgeon I found on my own. 

But in the meantime, I feel pretty good. Not much has changed between Monday and today, and, in some ways, my life has gained a new level of uncertainty. But I feel good. I don't know why. Peaceful. Like I've gained some acceptance finally. I trust that I'll take the time I need to take to make the right decision for me. And the result is beyond my control and even beyond the complete control of a surgeon. But if I give myself a half a year before surgery, I have the gift of time, which may ultimately be a blessing in disguise.

I'll have time to really research everything and be as knowledgeable as I can. That should help me go into surgery with confidence, which necessarily will help me recover. I'll have 6 months to lose weight. For sure that will help me recover faster. Think of all of that extra weight that I won't have to feel pounding down on my hip joint. I'll have 6 months to save money -- which it seems I'll need a lot of if insurance becomes problematic. I'll get to plan ahead work-wise, and not spring a long recovery on my bosses. And I get to be as mobile and healthy as I can be. 

Yes, I'm still in pain. A lot of it.  But I'm finding ways to live with the pain. No -- I really don't want to live like this permanently. I really want the surgery. But I think I can manage for 6 or so months. I went swimming today during lunch. It was only 20 minutes and I used a pull buoy so I didn't kick with my legs. But I really felt great and it's the first real cardio I've done in a while that I haven't finished in more pain than I started with.  Though my arms may be yelling at me tomorrow! I had purchased a waterproof ipod shuffle case/headphones from H2O Audio, and it worked like a charm. That made swimming laps a lot more fun for me. (I don't know why, but I just don't find swimming particularly fun). But it's exercise, and I'll take it! 

And who knows -- after swimming for 6 months, and biking during recovery and ultimately running again, maybe in a few years I'll end up doing something I thought I'd never be able to do -- a triathlon!

 I believe that we humans are given such amazing gifts, including the ability to choose how we perceive the world around us. We can choose to view a challenge as a roadblock or an opportunity. We have each other for compassion and support. We can focus on what we wish were different, or make the most of what we've got. 

So maybe the only real thing that changed in the past 72 hours is the way I've begun to view the situation. I truly don't have any more answers. But I have a measure of peace. 

What I learned about temporary handicap placards in California

I picked up my temporary handicap placard from AAA today (since AAA provides DMV services and in my experience is run much more efficiently).  I learned some interesting things about it that I hadn't known:

• I was given a form that designates who I am, my address, the ID number on my placard and the expiration date.  Apparently, I need to keep that with me (and with the placard).  If I leave the form in my car and take the placard with me in a different car and end up being questioned by the police about it, that will be a problem.  Good to know.
• Apparently, there's a lot of theft of these placards, especially by people in jobs such as valets, car washes, etc. So I was discouraged from keeping the placard in the glove compartment, and instead, to keep it in my purse.
• Cops apparently are not sympathetic if you place the placard on your dashboard instead of hanging from the mirror. The guy at the DMV warned me that they'll fine you $300 (or thereabouts) for the mistaken placement.
• Don't drive with the placard hanging from your mirror. (That one was rather obvious given its size. Hello visibility?!?)
• The placard allows you to park in on-street metered parking at no charge.
• The placard also allows you to park on streets where preferential parking privileges are given to residents and merchants (private off street merchant parking facilities may be restricted to customers and employees however).
• The placard allows you to park next to a green curb for as long as you wish. (Green curbs indicate limited parking times).
• Of course, you can park next to a blue curb authorized for handicap parking, or in parking spaces designated by that blue international symbol of access (i.e., a wheelchair). (That one I knew about also). 
• And, with the exception of gas stations that employ only one person, the placard also requires service stations to refuel at the self-service rates.

There are still the obvious normal restrictions -- no parking next to a fire-hydrant, no parking next to a red curb or where signs say "no parking", no parking next to yellow curbs or white curbs, or spaces that look like handicap spaces but have white crosshatched patterns (those are reserved for wheelchair and wheelchair lift access).

I am able to use the placard in anyone else's vehicle within California, so long as I have both the placard and the form that shows it's registered to me. But I can't lend the placard to anyone else if I'm not in the vehicle. Duh.

I feel uncomfortable having the placard -- like the designation makes my injury more official or something.  And I feel like I look like a pretty normal person, and for the most part, despite the pain, I'm not limping obviously.  I feel like I'll definitely be judged if I park in a handicap spot.  And the stupid competitive aspect of my personality is egging me to test my limits and try not to use it.  But I didn't get the placard for fun or to be lazy. I got it because I'm in pain, and because walking (at least for now) increases that pain.  So I'll suck it up and use it when I need it and I'll try to be a bit more compassionate before judging other people. It's not fun here on the other side.

As for hip news -- I called the office of Dr. Guanche again. Earliest appointment is in August. It's looking unlikely that I'll get to come in for an earlier appointment than the mid-July appointment I've got scheduled. No news from the Steadman Clinic or Dr. Phillipon. That's still expected, but I'd like to hear back as soon as possible of course.

I didn't try out the waterproof iPod Shuffle case and headphones yet because when I woke up this morning, the pain was pretty awful. My knees, especially, for some reason, also hurt today. Hopefully I can try them on a very simple workout tomorrow. I realized that the pool has floatation devices that are designed for your legs so that you can swim with your arms and not use your legs. I'm concerned that by squeezing my legs together that would actually hurt, but maybe not. I can try a lap and see how it goes.

Waiting. Sucks.

I'm not the world's most patient person.  I hate waiting for appointments.  I know that waiting two more weeks to see the surgeon means I have two weeks more till I can schedule a surgery.  Which means that the earliest I can schedule said surgery has also been delayed by two weeks (minimum).  I suppose there are many more problems that are of much greater significance.  But I'm anxious to get on my way to recovery.

I did manage to get the paperwork for the temporary handicap placard.  My general physician was able to sign off on it, having reviewed the extensive amount of documentation I faxed to him.  But of course, DMV services were down this morning when I tried to actually get the placard, so I need to try again tomorrow.

Yesterday, I ordered a waterproof case and headphones for my Ipod Shuffle (2nd gen) to keep me excited about swimming.  Of all of the sports out there, swimming just isn't my calling.  On the other hand, since it's pretty much all I'm able to do at the moment, I am desperate to find a way to make it interesting.  I'm hoping that books on tape or some good music helps.

So far I have been calling Dr. Guanche's office each day and trying to get an earlier appointment.  They keep telling me that I should keep calling back because people cancel all of the time, and, because they don't keep a standby list.  Despite my pleas of desperation yesterday, there were no earlier appointments and I'm getting concerned with how follow-ups might be treated and scheduled post-surgery with Dr. Guanche.

I haven't heard back yet from Dr. Philippon or anyone in his office.  But based on what I was told last week, I shouldn't expect to hear from them until Friday at the earliest, and, given the holiday, probably next Tuesday.

So in the meantime, I'm trying hard to focus on work and on anything other than the pain and the knowledge that I have a labral tear that I'm trying not to make worse. But it's like anything I tell myself not to think about....suddenly it's all I can think about.